Monday, November 21, 2011

Locust-eaten Years

I got my bar exam results, and it turns out I'm in the same boat as several prominent and successful individuals. Which is to say, I failed the bar. The CA bar is notoriously difficult, and only about 45-55% of people pass it. (So it's not really too embarrassing to fail the CA bar. The dean of Stanford's law school failed the CA bar while she was the dean and after she had been a prominent lawyer in other jurisdictions for years. If I had failed one of the bar exams with a 97% pass rate, then I would be embarrassed. Right now, I'm more disappointed and annoyed than anything.)

I really wish I could finally have gotten a break in this whole law school ordeal. I mean, something should go right for once! But no, I always have to do things the hard way. If everything had gone according to my original plan, I would have graduated from law school in May 2007 (instead of May 2011). I would have been admitted to the bar in November 2007. Now, best case scenario, assuming I pass the bar in February, I'll be admitted to the bar in May 2012. That's a full 4 1/2 years later than I planned. People are supposed to have their act together by their mid-20's. I'm going to be 30 before I get admitted to the bar. Then there are still the itinerant years before I land my tenure track job. I'll probably be 35 before I'm stable.

But I take comfort in one of my favorite Old Testament scriptures.
And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten...And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed. And ye shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God, and none else: and my people shall never be ashamed.
Joel 2:25-27
God has my back. And what's even better, He'll give me back my lost time. I can't go back in time 10 years and do things differently, but God can fix it so that the lost time will have no lasting negative effects on my life. Whatever was in God's plan for my life before this delay will still be possible after this delay. I just need to hang in there.


john willis said...

i have had to take bar exams in three states. In my first I passed the first time but i was able to take a review class and spend full time studying.

In the other two I was working full time and couldn't take a class and passed on the second try.


Also keep in mind that your worth as a human being does not depend on passing the bar exam.

Doing well in law school, passing the bar and being a good practicioner are three seperate skills .

I look forward to hearing that you passed the february bar in a few months.

Keri Brooks said...

Thanks, John.

Erstwild said...

I'm sorry to hear that. But, you seem to be realistic about it, for I've heard of others failing it the first time.

Tree Hugging (Almost) Attorney said...

I failed the Colorado Bar.
79% passed.
So, I have a wee bit of that embarrassment thing creeping in. But, ce la vie.
We'll pass on the 2nd go round.
And, just so you know, I also will be 30 before this over. In fact, my 30th birthday is in February - so I get to STUDY to celebrate.
Shoot me.

Michaela Stephens said...

Thanks for sharing that scripture in connection with your experience. Sometimes I feel the same way--that 10 years of my life has been wasted. That scripture gives a lot of hope.