Some Administrative Business

I've been absent from my blog for a few weeks because of the move and because of school. I have comment moderation turned on for posts older than two weeks in order to cut down on comment spam. Unfortunately, for some reason, Blogger neglected to e-mail me to let me know I had comments awaiting moderation, and I didn't discover them until today. I've now cleared the moderation backlog, and I apologize for the delay. All comments were legitimate, and they have now been posted.

Happy (belated) Easter!

I was going to write up an Easter post yesterday, but my grandparents surprised me with a visit. (Well, technically, they visited my parents, but I took the opportunity to drive the 45 minutes to my parents' place to spend the weekend with them.) So, Happy Easter, a day late.

Easter was great! General Conference was mostly good, too. I especially liked President Uchtdorf's talk on Sunday morning. I also liked Elder Andersen's talk on Sunday afternoon, reminding us that we should focus more on Christ. I appreciate that the audio from the priesthood session is available for download so that I don't have to wait for the transcripts to find out what the men were told in my absence. I loaded the talks onto my iPod to listen to them while I commute.

Update on My Living Situation

As I blogged here, I've been having roommate trouble. Well, it all blew up in my face on Tuesday. I tried to have a rational conversation with my roommate on the subject, and she flew off the handle, making insults which I will not reprint on this blog. I offered to move out and find her a new roommate, but she started making excuses why that wouldn't work. Then she said that she would move out, and she laid some guilt trip about how she had hoped she would be able to stay until her daughter graduates from 8th grade in June. I told her I wasn't kicking her out, and when she insisted on leaving I offered to help. She stormed off and has been avoiding me ever since.

I've been having problems with the landlord, too. (The complex is a dump, and the landlord doesn't seem to feel the need to comply with notice requirements before demanding entry to the apartment.) After talking to a lawyer, I've decided to just move. Since the lease is so close to being up, it's cheaper for me to keep paying for the place even while not living there than it is to break the lease or make the legal argument that the landlord has broken the lease.

I can see the Lord's hand in all of this. I was able to secure a beautiful apartment in the complex a block away from where I'm living now. There was a special running, so I can afford it. The apartment is just the right size for me, and when I walked inside, it felt like home. (There's no good way to describe it. I just knew it was the right place.) My sister is moving back in with our parents, which is good for her, too. I am officially done with roommates! The next time I live with anyone will be if I get married or adopt children.

Now my crazy roommate can have her shiftless husband around as often as she wants and I don't have to deal with it. I'm moving next Saturday. Hallelujah!

I Think I've Run Out of Other Cheeks to Turn

I know we're supposed to be forgiving, and we're supposed to turn the other cheek, but I think I've run out of other cheeks in regards to my roommate situation.

Don't get me wrong; I like my roommates. It's just the garbage that comes along with them that's the problem. I live in a 3 bedroom apartment. I have one room, my sister has another room, and the third room is shared by my 45 year old roommate and her 14 year old daughter. My roommate is separated from her husband, and they're sort of going through a divorce, but not really. (Meaning they don't live together, and when she moved in with me, she told me they were going through a divorce. That was two years ago and nothing has changed.)

Why I Admire Vashti

The book of Esther doesn't quite sit right with me. A few years ago, I was re-reading the book of Esther, and I found a new hero from that story - Vashti. Vashti was the queen at the beginning of the story. She was throwing a party for the women of the court, and her husband, King Ahasuerus, was throwing a party for the men. There isn't much in the text about the women's party, but the men's party involved a lot of alcohol. Ahasuerus sent some servants to fetch Vashti to have her come to the men's party "to show the people and the princes her beauty: for she was fair to look on." Vashti declined, and as a result, she was no longer the queen. (The text doesn't state whether she was executed, or whether the king merely divorced her and kicked her out of the palace.)

In various church lessons growing up, I had always heard Vashti used as an example of what happens to people who are disobedient. However, upon thinking it over, I've decided that Vashti is an admirable character. She is strong, and she shows self-respect.

28 Years

I'm a blog slacker. (Not to be confused with a Bloggersnacker, which, by the way, is happening in Berkeley tomorrow at 2:00 pm.) I've been so busy with real life that I haven't had much energy to write blog posts lately, though I've been commenting throughout the 'Nacle a bit.

mfranti put up a beautiful poem on Feminist Mormon Housewives about the last 35 years of her life, and she invited the rest of us to post our lists. So, here's the last 28 years of my life, in brief. (My poor writing professor would probably cringe if he read this; he already thinks I'm too concise.)

I am...

different
a dreamer
misunderstood
::emerging::
involved
working
learning
growing
attacked
bruised
::rescued::
climbing
sliding
clawing
tired
clawing
::reborn::
called
striving
struggling
lonely
::not alone::
thinking
questioning
still believing

Merry Christmas

Christmas is one of my favorite holidays. I love the opportunity to pause and think of the Savior, and I love spending time with my family.

Why I Stay

Sorry for the lack of blogging. Finals really swamped me this semester. (I'm done, thank goodness.)

This post is a response to a thread on Feminist Mormon Housewives. A non-member wrote in asking what concerns feminist LDS women have with the church, and a lengthy thread ensued. One commenter, also a non-member, asked what makes feminist LDS women stay active in a church with such a patriarchal structure. Since the thread got long, and people started talking past one another, I decided to respond on my blog instead.

In the New Testament, Christ preached many things to the people. At one point, many people became offended and stopped following Him. Christ's exchange with his apostles as a result is instructive.

From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him.
Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away?
Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.
And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God.

John 6:66-69.

I have received a witness from the Holy Spirit that God's authority, the priesthood, is contained within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Although the people who make up the church are imperfect, the church is still authorized. In the words of Peter, "to whom shall [I] go?" I have faith that all of the things that are wrong with the patriarchy will be made right through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

When the priesthood was extended to all worthy male members of the church without regard to race, one of the things that stuck out to me in Official Declaration 2 was that the revelation came about in part because of the "faithfulness of those from whom the priesthood has been withheld." Today, my sisters and I are those from whom the priesthood has been withheld. I can't expect change if I'm not faithful. My faith can be a driving force in preparing the way for God to continue to fix man's errors.

The Sabbath Day

Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:
But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:

Exodus 20:8-10

I love the Sabbath. I love having a day set aside for spiritual pursuits, a day where I can say no to worldly cares. Some of the best Sabbaths I've had have been when I've been visiting my extended family. We sit and talk and get caught up with one another. The conversations range from current events to what's going on in our lives, to spiritual topics. It feels refreshing.

I live in an apartment right now with four other women. I'm the only Sabbath observer in the apartment. We're in pretty close quarters, so it's hard to find a quiet space sometimes. I've come to realize that in many ways, the Sabbath is a feeling I can carry with me, regardless of what is going on around me.

When the Ten Commandments were given, two reasons were listed for the commandment to observe the Sabbath:
In Exodus 20:11, we are reminded of the story of the creation. "For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it."
In Deuteronomy 5:15, we are reminded of the miracle of the children of Israel being led out of Egypt. "And remember that thou wast a servant in the land of Egypt, and that the Lord thy God brought thee out thence through a mighty hand and by a stretched out arm: therefore the Lord thy God commanded thee to keep the sabbath day."

We live in an increasingly 24/7 world. Obviously, there is some work that must be done, even on the Sabbath. Police officers, fire fighters, and emergency room personnel must be available at all times. When my car broke down on the way home from church, I was grateful that a tow truck driver was working and was able to help me pull my modern-day ox out of the mire.

However, I worry about what is going to happen to my Sabbath observance when I get out into the legal field. I already feel at a bit of a disadvantage even in law school, since I don't study or do homework on Sunday. I have six days to do what everyone else has seven days to do, and with how competitive law school is, it's a sacrifice. (I've been blessed for making that sacrifice, so I'm not complaining.)

I know I have several lawyers who read my blog. How do you manage observing the Sabbath while working as a lawyer? For you non-lawyers out there, how do you manage Sabbath observance with your job?

Rebirth

Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

John 3:3

I've gone through several periods in my life that I would categorize as rebirths. I experienced my first rebirth in my mid-teens when I became converted to the gospel. My second rebirth came when I reached adulthood. I received the ordinances of the temple when I was 19, partly because I used this as a symbol of my rebirth as a grown woman. I experienced another rebirth on my mission. This was perhaps the most striking rebirth of all. I can honestly say I am a completely different person as a result of that experience. (Some of the change was for the better, and some of the change was for the worse.) I experienced another rebirth during my hiatus from law school. This was a painful rebirth, but I drew nearer to God through that experience than through anything else I've experienced in my whole life. I gained a new and greater understanding and appreciation of the Atonement.

I'm standing on the cusp of another rebirth, and it frightens me. I'm at the point in my law school career where I need to start figuring out what I'm going to do with my life. I know my goal, but I don't know how to get there. When I've asked for advice, I get conflicting information.

Some of my professors have told me that as long as I persevere, get good grades, and write well, I should be able to get a tenure-track position, but that it will take a while. A few of my professors say that since I didn't go to an elite law school, the best I can hope for is teaching legal writing and research. If I could pick one subject in all of law school that I don't want to teach, it's legal writing and research. The dean of career services is convinced that I can't become a professor, and she's trying to track me into litigation. If there's anything I want to do less than teach legal writing and research, it's litigate.

Since my call to teach came from God, I know He'll tell me how to get there, and He'll help me become the person He needs. It's a scary process not knowing what's ahead, though. I've been drowning in schoolwork, and I haven't been as good at spiritual pursuits as I should be. I still pray and read the scriptures and go to church, but my pondering and temple attendance have slipped. I don't remember the last time I went to the temple, but it's probably been several months. I made time in my schedule to go tonight after work. Hopefully I'll get some more direction.

I know this is a rather rambling, disjointed post, but that's how I'm feeling right now - rambling and disjointed. I tend to grow the most when times are uncertain, but it's unnerving in the moment. I'm sure I'll be able to look back on this time and see the Lord's hand in it, but right now, I'm feeling a bit like I'm just hanging.